my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
