omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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