I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
