in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
