God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
