Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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