Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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