Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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