do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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