you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
