***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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