i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
