wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
