The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
