dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
