hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
