If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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