Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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