totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
