Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
