They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
