theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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