where am i from again
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
