I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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