Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
