I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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