Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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