How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
