I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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