David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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