"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
