can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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