I puked a lego.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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