GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
