Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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