i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
