She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
