i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
