Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
