you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Randomize
