I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
