even my farts smell like vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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