you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
