I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
