I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your cock deserves a montage
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
