I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
