omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
