I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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