just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
