Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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