Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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