So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
